Passing of LKY and a mother’s struggle

The past week was quite a gloomy week for us.  Emotions at home was not at it’s best.  The man in the house was also deeply affected by the passing of our Founding Father. We just seem to lose the energy to do anything else, except to mourn together as a nation.

I thought a lot in the past week, not as if I didn’t before (and the increasing white hair agree on this), but more so on the “What” for my remaining years to come. I probably have live half of my life, and the mystery remains for the next half. What do I want to do? What do I want to achieve? What do I want to do to impact? What will I regret at the end of the journey? What?

I followed my heart last week and I am glad that I did. The constant news about the long queues at Padang did make me shiver and at times waiver at the thought of being there. But I was so thankful that I was there on that Friday afternoon.  The 5 hours of waiting and walking seems like a “meditation” session for myself, and each step that I took was my heartfelt thanks to Mr Lee for what he had done for my family and I.

Now that the week of national mourning is behind us, it’s time to continue his good works, in our very own capacity. Each of us have our own roles, be it in driving the economy through our jobs & career, or as parents who nurture our children. Whether we are working mothers or stay at home mothers, or mompreneurs, we have an important calling for our next generation. Whether we are childcare teachers, the next-door nannies or educators, we have a responsibility over the children who are placed in our care. Teach them not just academic requirement, but most importantly, teach them the importance to know how to differentiate what is right and what is wrong from young. Teach them to speak and to behave responsibly even from a young age.

I have concerns that my children will be swayed by the digital influence once they are exposed to social media on their own (yes, I say this with reference to the 17-year-old’s YouTube video and blog post).  I am not left with many years before Dawn comes to that independence.  Something that I dread, but cannot stop and restrict her from.

Probably it seems clearer as the gloomy week past through, with the “What” that I needed to do – to ensure that my children are guided to my best ability. This would also mean giving up on some things which are currently important to us as a family.  It will be perfect to be able to have best of both worlds, but that’s not likely to happen given that I have the same 24 hours as everyone has.

It’s a painful struggle.

I’m very determined. If I decide what something is worth doing, then I’ll put my heart and soul to it. The whole ground can be against me, but if I know it is right, I’ll do it. That’s the business of a leader. (Lee Kuan Yew, “The Man and His Ideas,” 1998)

The context of the quote could be on a higher level than my current struggle. No doubt about it. But it gives me courage to face what’s in front of me.

The “What” that is worth doing. The “What” that I hope one day I will be glad that I followed my heart.

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